Over the past few days, I was reminded that our trials can either make us stronger or weaker in spirit. Each time we learn from a struggle, we gain wisdom that we can choose to carry with us for the next time that we hit a bump in the road. Or we can let those bumps in the road tear us down until we are calloused and bitter. Sorrow is a funny thing. As we learn and grow in life, our sorrows and trials can help us combat whatever tribulations we have in this life.
I have come to the conclusion that there is so much wisdom in sorrow and he who increases in wisdom increases in grief. This isn’t to say that this means that a person who has been through a lot is inherently wise. Wisdom is a product that only comes after we choose to accept and do our best to combat the sorrows that we experience. When I am having a hard time spiritually, my first instinct is usually to retract myself from anything spiritual. I begin to avoid the things that I know will make my faith stronger. I do this because I feel guilty that I have so many resources available to me to help me grow stronger in my faith. Yet in times of trouble, that is all too oft not what I want. When my faith is shaken, I don't want to jump into doctrines and principles that I know are true because I fear that I’ll find something in them that will further shake my faith. When I have these thoughts, my mind goes to Romans 8:35 whish says, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?”. Each time I think of this verse, I am once again reminded that tribulation is one of the means by which Satan tries to lead us away from what we know to be true. He flatters us until we listen and then puts us down to the point where we allow ourselves to be separated from Christ until we no longer believe that using the atonement is a possibility. It does us so much good to remember that Christ is always there for us when we need him. It does not matter what we have done or how lost we feel. We are imperfect beings and as such we mess up a whole lot. That is WHY we have the atonement. I have heard the atonement explained this way many times: we live in a world where perfection is beyond our grasp in this life. But the savior is right above us with his hand outstretched to pull us to that perfection through the atonement. All we need to do is take his hand and receive his offering. Whenever I hear or think about the Savior’s outstretched hand, I think of this painting by Greg Olsen. And each time, I am reminded that the Savior will never shorten his reach. I know that for me personally, the wisdom I gain in sorrow is only possible because I am so aware of Christ’s atonement. Without the knowledge of the atonement, I don’t think that I would have the strength or hope that allows me to turn my sorrows into wisdom and for that knowledge, I am so grateful
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Wow. I feel like every single time I come to write on this blog, I realize how long it has been and each time I'm suprised. In fact, I was about to name this post it's been a while until I saw that was exactly the same titleas my last post! Oh boy.
I just came on here to write about a sort of epiphany I had this week. Usually, I would write about this in my journal but I didn't want it to be hidden away in my journal forever. I have been journaling every day and I love journaling but by the time I have written in my journal and I have written all of my school assignments for the day, I normally just want to be done with words for the rest of that day, so I haven't blogged in a really long time. Anyways, back to my realization for this week. I was writing a paper that wasn't due for a while but I knew was going to be a long, tough process. We were supposed to analyze The Birthmark by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Spoiler Alert: Basically it is about a woman who has a mark on her face and many people think it is beautiful but her husband is absolutely repulsed by it. He is a scientist so he makes this concoction for his wife to drink that he believes will make the birthmark go away. The wife does not mind her scar as much as the husband does but she wants to make him happy so she drinks it. Contrary to what the husband thinks, the concoction kills the wife and the husband is now very sad that he killed the wife. Okay, now you're probably asking why on earth I would tell you all this, so let me do my best to explain. It is our human nature to strive for perfection. But we live in this insanely imperfect, mortal world that prevents us from attaining that perfection that we want so badly. The frustrating part is that sometimes we know exactly what to do to be perfect but it is humanly impossible! I have an idea of what I need to do to become perfect. The only issue is that perfection is impossible to achieve on my own. Now, if that were where the story ended, I would be completely devistated. But then we get down to the good news... The good news is that our falling short of perfection is most certainly not where the story ends. The good news is that for those times when we know that we are utterly imperfect, we have Christ's atonement to make up the difference. I know that there are so many areas in which I fall short. I have realized over and over again that no matter how hard I try to be perfect, I am not and will simply never be on my own. But I believe that this is just fine because through Christ's atonement, I have a shot at returning to live with my Father in Heaven again. Okay. That's my spiel. Until next time, homies! So it has been a while since I last posted anything on here...I've been so busy the past couple months and I honestly haven't had much to talk about. Well today I have so many things to say that I don't know where to begin!
I guess I'll start with updating you guys on school. I'm a little over halfway through with my third semester and it has been going great. My roommates are awesome this semester and I like most of my classes. I moved apartment complexes this semester and I like my new ward a lot better than my last one. I just feel like I connect better with the people here. This has been my first semester that I haven't lived with Sophie, my sister. At first I was a little nervous about it but now that I am more comfortable living on my own, I love it! I honestly never thought I would be able to live on my own, but I am really enjoying it! I'm really liking most of my classes this semester and now that I have gotten more adjusted to my communication classes, they have become a lot less stressful than they were when I first started taking them! Most of the English classes I am taking right now are a little boring because I have to take the lower level ones before I get to the more interesting ones. Unfortunately, we had the first snow this week in Rexburg. I can't adequately express to you how much I dislike snow. I think it is just so annoying. But it's fine for now because it hasn't gotten bad yet. I have been really missing home the past couple of months. My family moved to St. George this past August. But it didn't feel like home. I had never thought that my family would move away from San Clemente. I've felt like I've been away from home since we moved. I don't know many people there and I just feel like I left all of my homies in San Clemente. If there's anything I've learned in the past few months it is that the church is the same wherever you go, even when the people aren't. This isn't a bad thing. When the fam bam first moved out of San Clemente I was so worried about wheter we would be in a good ward, but I have since realized that it isn't the people that make a good ward, it is that same message that every ward teaches. Well...It's been quite a while since I've written anything on here and A LOT has happened! First of all, I finished my second semester of school which is absolutely insane! I cannot believe how time flies. Secondly, the fam bam is has moved to St. George and I, along with them. Finally I'm going back up to school in September (this time by myself). There has been so much going on and I have been a little overwhelmed for the past couple months. But I can say that I have learned SO MUCH.
For starters, I learned that the future is so unpredictable and life can pull you in so many directions that sometimes, you just have to do what you can and go with it. I have always wanted to have complete control of my life and when things didn't go according to my plans, I would get frustrated. It was especially hard for me when I went up to school and I had control over where I went and what I did then when I came home and had to work around my family's lifestyle and schedule again. At first, I was miserable, not because I didn't want to be with my family, but because I wanted to have the freedom to do my own thing. I also have realized how blessed I was to have lived in San Clemente for so long. In the last few weeks of living in SC, I realized that I was able to make and build so many relationships whilst living there for the past 19 years. A week or so before we moved, one of the families in our ward at church threw us a farewell party. I was so grateful that we got to say goodbye to all the people I had grown up around. I am currently working really hard at trying to live in the moment in these few weeks before I go back up to school. I think I've gotten to the point where I've stopped waiting for the next thing and have started to live in the moment. For as long as I can remember, I have had what I call "the next thing will be better" syndrome. That means that I'm always looking forward to the next thing I have planned for myself, but I don't really live in the moment. For example, I really didn't take much time to enjoy my senior year of high school because I just wanted to knock it out and move on to college. But in this last few weeks, I realized that I really need to learn to value the time that I have with my family. I am going to try to keep this blog updated the best I can! I kind of took a break for a while so that I could focus on more important things. I'm really grateful that I have this page as an outlet and I will try my best to keep it updated as much as possible! I have never been very comfortable with making decisions when I do not know what the outcome will be. New things scare me a bit. But I have recently discovered that those decisions that are the most daunting are often the ones that make you feel the most fulfilled. As last semester ended, I changed my major to English and my minor to Communications.
The funny thing is that during my first semester, I struggled so much with being comfortable with the Interpersonal Theory and Communications class that I took. In this class, we did a lot of presentations and we really had to open up and be vulnerable with our classmates. To be honest, I struggled with feeling so uncomfortable in that class, but after a while when I had gotten to know the people in that class and it helped me become totally comfortable when speaking to a larger group of people. I can’t say that I’ve chosen communication as my minor because I am comfortable in that area, but it pushes me to do my best and it is so fulfilling. I usually don’t seek out things that are hard for me, it’s simply not my nature. However, studying communications isn’t just hard, it makes me feel accomplished. I also think another reason why I chose communications is because I don’t think I was taught how to communicate growing up. It fascinates me how many ways people can communicate and how people respond differently to other forms of communication. My absolute favorite class last semester was Writing and Reasoning. I always felt entirely in my element when I was in that class. We were always writing about something that we were passionate about. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed that class. I have learned so much about the power of diction. Word choice is everything. I guess you could say that I am obsessed with the power of words. They help convey more than just information, but they make you feel so many emotions and take you places without having to move at all. Just in the way Fitzgerald transports us into the twenties, how Breslin made us feel as though we were there as JFK’s grave was being dug or how Harper Lee gives an impassioned view on how a young girl comprehends the turmoil of her time. It’s funny, as I am writing this, I am explaining how much I love the power of word choice, but at the same time I am struggling to find the words to convey the way I feel about finding the right words. I think I learn more when I leave my comfort zone and learn to adapt to new things. Studying communications definitely makes me leave my comfort zone. Sometimes I get nervous when I am interviewing people or presenting new ideas to a class full of people, but I find that after I have left my comfort zone, I become a little more at ease with leaving my comfort zone for that task. Long term success and fulfillment is not found when you seek only to do easy things. I feel like being an English major and Communications minor is perfect for me because it covers both ends of the comfort spectrum. When I am writing a paper for an English class, I feel totally in my element, the words typically come easy, I enjoy doing the work and learning new concepts. But communications is quite a challenge for me at times. Growing up, I was never a fan of going to school and learning but since I’ve started up at BYUI, I have grown to love challenging myself to do well. The depth of my learning here has been amazing. It’s really hard for me to describe how or why I love going to school here. I am happy to be at a school that pushes me to do and be better. I know that this is where I am supposed to be. |
My name is Ellie. I am a sophomore at BYU Idaho. I am excited to live life and to share a small piece of it with you!
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