As a society, we tend to put most everything into two categories; good and bad. The problem with looking at everything like this is that we refuse to accept the lessons from the things we deem as negative. When something bad happens we tend to close it off, as if to say, “Oh no that was a bad circumstance, I’m not going to accept anything from that and pretend that didn’t even happen”, when in reality we know it did happen and rather than turning it into something positive, we shun the memory into a dark corner. This, however does nothing but make everything worse because it eventually builds up and comes rushing back to the front of our mind all at once. But if we take both the good and bad as it comes and just confront it as it comes, it’s easier to balance. I was born with what is called cerebral palsy, which basically is a disorder that affects my movement, muscle tone and posture. I’m going to be honest with you here, I really struggle with this. It makes things that should be easy a lot harder sometimes. But it has taught me so many valuable lessons and has given me opportunities to see things differently from other people. Here is a couple of the most valuable things I’ve learned from having CP. 1. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.I think we all want to be self sufficient, especially being teenagers turning into adults, we want to feel that we have control over our own lives. But when you are physically unable to rely on yourself, like me sometimes, you have to know how to ask for help. In a weird way, it’s really a blessing because you realize that Heavenly Father has got your back and that He’s going to take care of your needs through other people a lot of the time. Over time, I’ve come to know that asking people for help when you need it, isn’t that scary either. I used to be scared of asking for help, especially when I was around new people. I was afraid that they would judge me for not being able to do whatever it was I needed help with. But that is never the case and if it was, who cares? I know what my needs are and if I cannot fill them myself, it’s so much better to ask for a little help than not be able to do something. 2. Be nice to peopleBeing nice to people saves your life. It’s kind of a safety mechanism in an odd way. I rely a lot on other people, so I’ve learned that in order for them to want to help me, I need to be kind. Even if you aren't looking for help, being kind and happy makes people more likely to be happy too. When I was little, I used to play this game that I’ve never told anyone about. It’s basically where you go to a place with lots of people like the grocery store or the mall and when you make eye contact with people you smile. Now of course you want them to smile back, so you don’t do it creepily or anything. But it’s really cool to see how many people actually smile back. 3. Your body does not have to be perfectly functioning to work or for you to be proud of itI have very low stamina; my muscles are weak and get tired very easily. Because of this, I cannot do a lot of things that require dexterity or strength. That being said, I there are many things still I can do, but they require a bit more concentration and effort on my part. I used to get frustrated with myself when I could not do these things that demand the strength or coordination that I don’t have. But that just makes everything a lot harder because I would think to myself, I’m never going to be able to do this, so why try? But then I realized that not trying gets you nowhere. A little while ago, I adopted this mindset in which I would push myself and do what I could, but if there was something I couldn’t do, I wouldn’t stress myself out about it. I can tell you it’s rough not being able to do everything that your peers are able to do, but sometimes I surprise myself and do things that I thought I’d never be capable of. And when I do something I thought I’d never be able to, it makes for something to celebrate.That’s another upside, when I am able to do harder things, I get to celebrate every victory. Even if it is little, like if I can walk down a flight of stairs without having to grab on to the railing, I go into celebration mode. Because that means I was able to keep my balance longer than normal. 4. Listen to Your BodyWe receive messages from our body constantly, whether it’s hunger, pain, sickness, emotions or thirst. But sometimes we ignore these signs and that’s where some big problems can begin. As a person with CP, I have to be really in tune with what my body is telling me. If my muscles get tired, I need to relax them or they will start to give out. When I’m around people, I don’t like to eat, but then I don’t have energy to do anything. So when you listen to your body, you end up saving yourself a lot of stress and time. 5. There is nothing in life that you can fully predict.You’re never going to know what’s going to happen to you next, you’re never going to know how your mind and body are going to handle the world around you. I’m never going to be able to accurately predict when my muscles are going to be tired. This life is unpredictable and while that’s a little intimidating, it sure keeps things interesting. I think some of the best experiences I have had were completely unplanned.
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I feel like I haven’t posted anything on here in awhile and to be honest, I really don’t have much to say. I’m accustomed to being able to sit down at my desk and be able to write something decent enough to post on here. Don’t get me wrong, I still love writing, but I just haven’t had much on my mind that I feel is worth writing about. So I guess I’ll just talk about what I’ve been doing lately. We’re still on summer break here in sunny SoCal and most of the time, I’ve been reading, drawing and doing things that I didn’t have time for when school was in session. I usually don’t go to sleep until late. I like to curl up under my blanket and read until my eyes start to close on their own. But I love starting new books and immersing myself in someone else’s world. It’s nice to be able to escape my life and forget about everything for a little while. I’ve spent quite a bit of time playing and composing songs on my piano. During the last couple months of the school year, I had stopped playing as much as I used to and had actually considered getting rid of the piano in my room, but I’m so glad I didn’t. I hadn’t really notice how much I had missed it until I started playing and composing again. I know it’s a little cliche, but I just feel so happy when I’m sitting at my piano. There are so many emotions that I can express more fully when I am composing as opposed to writing or talking. My sister, Sophie came home from college a few weeks ago and I couldn’t be happier about it. She came home from BYUI to work and I really missed her, even though I didn’t realize how much I missed her while she was gone. I’m convinced that we can read each other’s minds. We can be sitting across the room from each other and be able to communicate. She’s pretty rad. I’ve actually been getting to hang out with her a lot lately. Last week we took the local trolley all the way up to the sawdust festival in Laguna Beach. The sawdust festival is a super fun place where artists set up little booths and sell their work. Sophie and I got matching toe rings and walked around looking at art and ate a yummy lunch in front of a local music group. It was super fun. I love hanging out with Soph because she makes everything fun. Even though she has a full time job now, she still makes time to hang out with just me. The other day, we went drove around town and took pictures at different places (mostly the beach) and listened to her interesting playlist, which most of it was okay, but some songs, I was like what the heck, Sophie? I’m sure she feels the same way about, my music too. I want to take a sec to talk about happiness. It makes me sad when people say that there's nothing to be happy about in their life at the moment. Because there’s always something to be happy about, even when times are tough. A lot of the stuff that makes me happy is completely independent of what is going on in my life. Things like sunsets, books, music and art. The sun is always going to set over the ocean and I’m always going to get to watch it and be happy that I am here to see it. I can walk to the end of my street and see the sky turn a spectrum of colors. I can always open up the art closet and pull out a sketchbook or some paint and make something. You see, even if you feel like happiness is out of reach at times, there is always SOMETHING to be happy about. There hasn’t been much else happening lately, a couple weeks ago, our friends came down to camp at the beach. I’ve read a ton of books. I really don’t have much of an eventful life at the moment, but I’m grateful that I don’t have too much going on, so I can relax. At least for a couple weeks until school starts up again. I am actually a little excited to go back and get my senior year over with already so I can start my actual life on my own. I feel like I’ve grown up in a little bubble. I’ve gone to the same schools with the same people all of my life. Part of me wants so badly to never leave my home, but another part of me can’t wait to get away and meet new people. I really just want to go to a place where people haven’t known me all my life and don’t expect me to be someone that I used to be. Not that I’ve changed drastically in the past couple years, but I feel like, especially at church, people expect me to be the same cheery person I was when I was little, but I think I’ve actually changed a ton. I’m sorry if this post was just a bunch of ramblings. It’s harder for me to write when there’s nothing on my mind to write about. Every once and awhile, I get writer’s block and I can’t think of things to write. |
My name is Ellie. I am a sophomore at BYU Idaho. I am excited to live life and to share a small piece of it with you!
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