Boy, it’s crazy what can change in a year! I can honestly say that this school year has been exponentially better than last year. I was reading some of my journal entries from last year around this time and I’ve realized how crazy and stressful my life was. Not that there was anything too crazy going on, but I just worried so much about the littlest things. As I read through those journals, I began to think about how much better my life would have been if my circumstances and the way I made decisions were different. It’s like when you look at pictures from when you were a kid and you cringe a little because your clothes never matched and your hair was always a mess(an ongoing struggle for me).
But at the same time I feel like it’s those times where you wish you could have changed your circumstances, that you really learn to grow. One scripture that I’ve grown to love is 1 Corinthians 7:20-24. It says, “Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God” I know it is a little long, but it has become one of my favorites over the past year or so. It helps me remember that Heavenly Father only lets us give us trials that He knows we can learn and grow from and that He wants us to make the most of our lives despite our trials. Whenever I read this scripture, the phrase, “bloom where you’re planted” always comes to mind. As a little kid, my favorite flower were the yellow dandelions that seemed to pop up everywhere and anywhere. My mom would always laugh and tell me that they were just weeds. But I didn’t just like them because I thought they were pretty, no I liked them because they seemed to spring up everywhere. No matter where, they would even grow from the cracks in the sidewalk. I think that scripture is kind of saying the same thing applies to us. It’s like Heavenly Father puts us in these crazy, sometimes a little rough situations because He wants us to learn and grow because of it. I used to think that Heavenly Father would put us in tough situations because we weren’t doing the right thing. That is never the case. Of course there are consequences when we sin, but Heavenly Father doesn’t give us more trials because we sin. When I was little, I was taught by my parents and primary teachers that we can pray whenever we want to and that Heavenly Father will listen. I am so grateful for those who have helped me make prayer such a huge part of my life. I know it can be hard to focus on the gospel amidst trials, but I also know that it is the best way to get answers from Heavenly Father. I don’t think I fully understood the power prayer can have until about two years ago. There was a girl from my school that started coming to church with one of the girls in my ward. I can still remember so clearly how strongly I felt the spirit when she was being taught how to pray. At first I was shocked because I realized that this girl didn’t know how to pray up until that point. It was a really spiritual experience and it taught me to be grateful for the ability to be able to talk to my Heavenly Father whenever I need to. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and that we are given trials that He knows we can learn from. I also know that sometimes it can be hard to stay close to Heavenly Father when you’re busy worrying about everything that may seem to be going wrong in your life right now. I urge you to pray about anything even if you think it is not that big of a deal. Remember if something seems like a big deal to you, Heavenly Father cares about everything that you care about.
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The other day, I was reading something about a girl who had stopped going to church because she felt like she wasn’t “good” enough. The story went into detail about why she felt that way, she had made some mistakes and was working on repenting. But in the meantime, she felt like she didn’t belong at church because of her mistakes. This is never the case for anyone, no matter the sin.
Something I have learned from making mistakes is that the best thing to do is repent sincerely and immediately. One of my favorite passages of scriptures is Alma 41:12-15. This is where Alma explains why it’s so important to repent now, not procrastinating until it’s too late. It’s why we don’t believe in deathbed repentance: You really have no opportunity to prove that you honestly have changed your spiritual clothes. Someone once told me about these parties that her friends would have called “come as you are” parties. Basically, they would invite people minutes before the party started and people would just come in whatever they were wearing at that moment. People would show up in weird clothes like pajamas, dirty art smocks and cooking aprons, they would show up with bare feet and crazy hair. And nobody cared, they didn’t criticize each other, they just accepted them no matter what they were wearing. Everyone got to see the human side of people that they usually saw polished up and formally presented. This person went on to tell me that when she was wearing something dirty or ratty around the house, her mom would ask, “what if someone invited you to a come as you are party right now?” She would then go change her clothes immediately. When I listened to her story, I thought of how we should always repent immediately. Because we never know when our time is coming, not that we should always be scared to die or anything. But our final breath can come as surprisingly as a phone call. And we’ll be judged on what we were wearing, spiritually speaking, when we pass away. I know someone that has always told people that he does what he wants in the moment and that he’ll repent later. This is not what the atonement is for, it is not an excuse to commit sins and then say that you’ll repent later. Repentance is for getting better. It is okay to use it if you are being sincere, but if you intend to make the mistake, assuming that you can repent later, it defeats the purpose. It’s human nature to put things off, especially when the things you need to do are difficult or uncomfortable. Changing into our “Sunday best” means giving up grudges and bad habits that have become as comfortable as worn PJs. But do you really want that final phone call to come when you’re wearing a dirty oversized t-shirt, or when you’re clean and dressed in your best? When the time comes, there will be no last-minute scrambling to change into your best – it’s how you are right now that matters. Have you ever been hungry? I don't mean like you skipped breakfast and needed a snack an hour before lunch time. I mean more along the lines of you forgot breakfast, had no time for lunch and you don't have time for dinner until around eight o'clock. Now, I want you to recall what it was you thought of most in those times of hunger. I know, for me at least, all I could think about was finding a way to get food. I have found that this is very similar to reading the scriptures. Some days, I forget or don't have enough time for personal scripture study. On days like these, when I do not study my scriptures, I feel a little more empty than usual. Just like I would long for food when I have not eaten, my heart pines for me to read my scriptures even of it's just a little. Not only do the scriptures fill me spiritually, but they help remind me of what path I should be on and how to overcome my own trials by likening them to the hardships of those in the scriptures. I have not always found refuge in the scriptures, before I started high school and seminary, I rarely ever picked up my scriptures and read them. I found it very hard to read and understand them. Soon after I started going to seminary, I fell in love with taking notes and writing my thoughts in the margins of my scriptures. I am absolutely obsessed with annotating anything and everything I read. It really helps me understand what was going on in the stories and connect them to gospel principles that relate. For Christmas one year, I received a wide-margined Book of Mormon. It is one of my favorite gifts I have ever gotten. For some people, reading the scriptures is hard, but I think we need to just find a way of making it interesting for us. The scriptures are an essential component of the plan of Happiness. They contain the word of God and help guide us in our goal to return to live with God again. Latter-day prophets counsel us to study the scriptures every day because they know of the peace and joy it brings into our lives. Studying the scriptures can help us come to know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ better, give us power to resist temptation, and strengthen us in our challenges. In order to get the most out of our scriptures, we must get the most out of them that we possibly can. Again, we can relate this to food (because who am I kidding, food is always on my mind). Let's say you go to your favorite restaurant and you order your favorite thing on the menu. After what seems like hours, your food arrives and you waste no time in daintily picking at it with your fork. No, if you're anything like me, you dig right in and finish the whole plate, leaving nothing on the plate when you're done. You eat until every bit of food is gone. Should this not be the same during scripture study? Surely the scriptures hold way more sustenance than any meal we could possibly eat. In that case, when we feast upon the words of past prophets, we find that are hearts are filled with the spirit; a fullness that cannot be felt in any other way. I think the scriptures are one of the greatest gifts that we have received from our Heavenly Father. It is a timeless guide for not only for those that came before us, but for everyone that will come after. The scriptures have blessed my life so much. I am so grateful for the ability to study the lives of past prophets, seers and revelators. I bear you my testimony that I know the scriptures are true and that they will bless our lives and bring us closer to the Savior and Heavenly Father.
On the very first day of my freshman year I was assigned an essay, meant to help the teacher come to know his students better. He explained that the only requirement would be to answer the prompt and explain what we wrote. The only prompt I was given was a three word question; Who are you? This seemingly simple question really stumped me. How on earth was I supposed to sum up my life in a few paragraphs? I didn't think I could even do that in a couple novels. I don't remember what I wrote then and still think about that experience, wondering what I would write if that question were to once again confront me. I think the first thing I would write would be that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. My faith has played a huge role in my life for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was around the age of five or so, I can remember going to church and learning about God and how much he loves us. I love that despite my imperfections, my Father in Heaven's love is unconditional. We live in this world where love is tentative. One moment someone could love you, but then the next they could be a complete stranger. In this ever changing world, I am grateful for my Father in Heaven; my constant who will always be around to love us. The next thing I would write today, would be that I am an artist. And to a certain extent, we all are. Nowadays, people say that in order to be an artist, critics have to like your work. That, my friend is a bunch of hogwash. I don't think someone's art can be critiqued based on what a single person sees. What I have learned from the ceramics class I am taking this year, is that art can be interpreted in a million different ways. An art piece that may make one person happy could make another person feel sad. Take the "Starry Night" painting by Vincent Van Gogh. I asked two people what they thought of the painting. The first person said that it made them feel sad, but that the yellow circles gave it a sense of hope. The second said that it made them apprehensive toward the vastness of the sky. That is what I love about art; it is the same visually to everyone, but it evokes different feelings from person to person. So, if you feel like shying away from creating anything as a result of one person's opinion, just remember that one man's trash is another man's treasure. I would be terribly mistaken if I didn't address that a big part of who I am today is made up of the people and things I have grown up around. I believe that a big part of who we are includes how we are affected by others. Rumi once said, "You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop." I could not have said it better. We go out into the world and are influenced by so many different things. Everything gets mixed around and we absorb the world around us. I could go on and on about who I am, but my point is that we define ourselves. We are not what others think of us, we are not our social status, or the number of likes we get on instagram or even our weight. We are worth more than numbers on a scale, more than the price tags on your clothes, more than the letters on your report card, more than a number of likes. We are not what others think and say about us. In the eyes of God, you are worth so much more than you can comprehend.
Have you ever had a trial in your life that just keeps coming back? Maybe you had thought you had fixed something, but a little ways down the road, it comes back again. I’ve seen this happen a lot in my life and the lives of those around me. When this does happen, it is very discouraging. Sometimes, it seems more logical to give up rather than feel like you are wasting your strength on something that will never change. But if I have learned anything by reading the scriptures, praying and going to church it is that our Father in Heaven will always prepare a way for us to overcome any trial He gives us. When we feel discouraged, it is tempting to turn away from what we believe. I forget in moments of adversity and frustration that I have both a Savior and a Heavenly Father that love me. I used to think that Heavenly Father gave me trials based upon my actions. I believed that Heavenly Father was giving me trials because I was doing something wrong. I figured that the more faith I had, the less trials I would be given. But God does not always work that way. Take any of the people we read about in the scriptures as an example. Not one of the faithful people in the scriptures had avoided having their faith shaken a bit in times of frustration. But not a single one of them were denied help from Heavenly Father and the Savior if they pursued that aid in righteousness. There are some battles that can only be won with time. In everyone’s life, there are going to be rough patches. Things are going to get out of our control and we are going to want our problems to be solved right away. We are going to want to do something. But sometimes, there is nothing we can do but wait it out. You may have to just grit your teeth and keep going. In situations like these, it is going to be hard, yet crucial that we stay firmly rooted in our faith in God and trust that He will help us overcome whatever trials we experience. Some trials can’t just go away even if we are faithful. There are some challenges that we are going to have to deal with for our entire lives. Certain trials are chronic, meaning that they are going to be recurring constantly. Again and again they are going to affect us when we least expect it. But I’ve learned that even though we go through ups and downs, it is better if we focus on getting back up and staying there for as long as we can. It is an amazing thing to know you have overcome a trial. You can look back on that situation to say, “Yes, that was a really hard thing to do and I was frustrated that I had to go through that. But now that I am looking back I can say that I did it and be proud of myself.” Sometimes, we overcome trials and we are proud of ourselves for a little while. But then the same thing happens again and we’re back to square one. One thing I have learned about this is that you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. And it’s disheartening, but with the help of our Father in Heaven, it is never impossible to overcome our adversities. We just have to trust that our lives are in the hands of God and that He will never leave us to fend for ourselves. Click below to read one of my all time favorite talks about adversity by Elder Ballard!
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My name is Ellie. I am a sophomore at BYU Idaho. I am excited to live life and to share a small piece of it with you!
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