Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up in the morning and feel like you just can't quite muster up the courage to tell yourself that you can get through the day? When you just aren’t prepared to go out into the world and function in society. Maybe something is going on in your life that makes it too hard to go out into the world (or in my case to go to school) and be able to focus on other things. Every once in awhile, I feel as though my personal life gets in the way of my ability to learn and even be around people. I feel the need to hide my trials from society. Which is okay but is sometimes too much pressure. Everything builds up and it is so hard to focus my mind on whatever task is at hand. Sometimes I have those days. Unfortunately, today was one of those days. This morning, I woke up and felt tired. More than tired; I was exhausted. I just wanted so badly to lay back down in my bed, close my eyes and forget. Forget that I had a science quiz today that I had no time to study for. Forget that I am really struggling in math. Forget that I am subject to weakness. I just wanted a break from the world. I wished I could just sit in my bed and read. Read books about people who had the ability to overcome their trials. About their loving families. I wanted to read about their frustrations that don't transfer off their pages. I wanted to postpone my life for a while. I wanted to escape my struggles for a little bit. But the world waits for no one. So I decided to just try to my very best to get through the day. And I did (more or less). After discouraging days like these, I like to listen to the scriptures on my phone while I wind down from being at school all day. So that was what I did. I began to listen to the scriptures. I wasn’t listening wholeheartedly, but the thought came into my mind that I needed to pray. I knelt down beside my bed and began to pray. In that prayer, I expressed to my Father in Heaven that I really just want to wake up one morning and not feel tired. Not feel sick. I wanted so badly the strength and faith to forgive someone that I was really frustrated with. I told Him that I truly love my life, but sometimes, I just felt lost. I expressed that I knew He was watching over me and that I knew He could help me. I asked for guidance and strength to be able to keep pressing forward. When I ended my prayer, I got out my actual physical scriptures and turned to a random page and began reading. It just so happened that I had opened my scriptures to Mormon chapter five. In this chapter, Mormon is leading his Nephite army into battle for the second time. He was again given the command of their armies, but mentions that he, “was without hope” in verse two. He knew that the people he was leading into battle were clean and had repented, but they “did struggle for their lives without calling upon that Being who created them.” They weren’t praying. These people were going to battle without calling upon the Lord for His guidance. They were about to go into this massive, terrifying war without believing their Father in Heaven could do anything about it. Mormon then writes in verse eight about how he does not want to seek revenge on those who have killed and hurt many of his people. He did not wish to disturb those who had wronged his people. At first, this kind of astonished me. How could he not even want to retaliate? I understood that he didn’t actually take revenge in a physical manner. But I wondered why there was not even a desire to. I marveled that a man who had been through so much with his people at the hands of adversary did not even have to think twice about whether he would take the responsibility of bringing justice to these people who committed such atrocities against his own people. I was amazed and confused; why on earth Mormon could just forgive them after all they had done? That was when it hit me. It isn’t up to us to decide who can be forgiven, that is up to the Lord. In Doctrine and Covenants 64:10, we read, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” Forgiveness can be a really hard thing. I know that sometimes I want to forgive someone, but feel like they don’t deserve it. I don’t want to forgive people every once and awhile maybe because I think they are too far gone. But that is not for us to decide either. And that can be really hard. I know that even if we think someone has done something that we see as unforgivable, it is important for us to forgive them. What happens if someone repents and we don’t forgive them? How would it affect them if our resistance to forgive is what holds them back from repenting ever again? If they knew we were withholding forgiveness after they’ve done everything in their power to make things right again? Forgiveness should be unconditional. No matter how difficult. I testify that forgiveness and repentance are the some of greatest gifts that we have been given in this life. I know that we can get frustrated with people, but that in no way means that we should withhold forgiveness. People can be terrible at times, just think about those who crucified Christ. But terrible people can change and if we don’t forgive them, the chances of them changing are slim. When we forgive someone, we facilitate change for them.
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My name is Ellie. I am a sophomore at BYU Idaho. I am excited to live life and to share a small piece of it with you!
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