Today I want to talk about something that I haven’t talked about much in a long time. A little over a year ago, I developed a bit of anxiety and had no idea what to do about it. I had tried a bunch of different things to try to get rid of it, but nothing seemed to work. But as of today, I have not had a single panic attack since the second week of September. I know to someone that doesn’t have anxiety, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but to me it is. I have since learned a couple ways to calm myself down when I start to get a little anxious, so I figured I’d share a couple of my methods with you.
I’ll start with the method that I use the most: breathing. I know it may sound a little obvious but the best thing to do is take a couple deep breaths. I remember when people used to tell me this and I would actually get a little annoyed with them because I didn’t think it could actually work. It turns out that it does and I didn’t really understand how until I was reading a book about anxiety one day. When I used to have these panic attacks part of the reason was that I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air in my lungs. The reason why I felt this way was actually because when you take shallow breaths, too much stale air gets trapped in your lungs, as a result, there is no room for fresh air. So, what I have found most effective is to take a deep breath and exhale for a longer time than you normally would. This helps push out not only the fresh air in your lungs, but the stale air too. Another thing I feel when I used to have these panic attacks was that everything was trapped in my mind and that I would never be able to stop thinking about whatever I was worried about. At this point, I would give myself a couple of options: write it down, play piano or get artsy. When I would get to feeling panicky, I wouldn’t be able to talk about things very clearly, so I found other ways to express myself. One of the things that calms me down the best is to marble paper. This may sound a little weird, but my favorite method to marble paper is to use shaving cream and food coloring. Being able to feel the shaving cream with my hands really calms me down for some reason. I think one of the best ways to make me feel calmer is to do something that I don’t have to really think about. For me, I instantly think of my piano. I have played the piano for the majority of my life, so when I sit down at my piano, I don’t even have to think, I just play. Another thing that I do when I get panicky is to just pray about whatever it is I am worried about. Praying about it helps me remember that Heavenly Father is protecting me and He will help me through anything I struggle with. One thing I try to do is work on ways to prevent my anxiety. There are a couple ways I do this. When I’m feeling anxious, I often feel trapped, in order to avoid this, I don't wear shirts with tighter necks. It has also helped to make healthy choices, like exercising regularly, limiting my sugar intake, drinking lots of water and getting a good night’s sleep. I think one of the most important things to do when you have anxiety is to know what your triggers are and learn how not to worry about them so much. One thing that I always used to get me really nervous was talking in front of a group of people. Now, I can stand up in front of a class and give a presentation without a hitch. Just remember that when you’re talking in front of a large group of people, half the people probably aren’t even listening and the other half are paying attention to the stuff you’re saying, not you. I am so blessed to have some pretty amazing friends that know about my anxiety and were always willing to help. It’s really important in the beginning to have something or someone that helps you calm down because sometimes when you are panicky, it’s hard to think straight, so having a homie there to help you realize that whatever it is you’re worried about isn’t the end of the world is really helpful. Now, I’m not a doctor or mental health professional, these are just things that have worked for me. If you are really struggling with something like this I highly suggest you tell a professional. Even If you don’t have anxiety, these methods work for when you’re just nervous. If you are feeling like you just can’t overcome whatever it is you may be experiencing, just remember that Heavenly Father never gives us anything we can’t handle.
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This past weekend, I went on a pioneer trek with the youth of my church. There were around two hundred of us participating in this trek ranging from the ages 14-18. We were tasked with pulling handcarts up and down the trails of a mountain in the hopes that we would understand and be grateful for the sacrifice our early ancestors made for us. I was less than excited to go on this trek and was only planning on going because my mom wanted me to. But then something came up after school on Friday when we were supposed to leave and I ended up having to stay home. I thought I was completely fine with not going but when I got home later that night, I was getting ready for bed and saying my prayers. After I had said my prayers and got under the covers, I had a really strong feeling that I should still go. At first, I talked myself out of it; I told myself that they were already gone and no one was going up later and that I would get too tired on the trail and would end up having to go home anyway. But the feeling that I needed to be there only got stronger and stronger. When I told my mom that I wanted to go that night, she was glad that I did. She called a few of the leaders to see if anyone was going up the next morning, so that I could at least try to make it. Luckily, one of the young men in our ward had a sports game earlier in the day and was planning to go early in the morning the next day. The dad called my mom and said he had room in his car to take me as well. We left early in the morning and arrived just as breakfast was being served. Even though I had a prompting from the spirit that I needed to be there, I was still a little nervous that I wouldn’t be able to walk all of the trails. When I’d gotten to the camp, I was given a family for the day that I would be sharing a handcart and walking with. I was a little more relieved that I was put with a young women’s leader from my ward, her husband, another leader from a different ward that I didn’t know, and a couple kids that I knew. As I ate my breakfast, my nervousness only got worse and worse. My mind began to race: what if I got too tired and had to stop and not be able to keep going? What if I got bit by a snake? My brain was overpowered with all of these uncertainties. I went to go talk to one of the leaders that I’d known since I was little, that I’d trusted, about how I was nervous about being able to walk the whole way. He introduced me to the leader that was assigned to be the “Pa” of my family and told him that I was worried. The leader assured me that they would help me and that if needs be, there was a spot for me in the handcart. I was so relieved. We set off walking on the trail with our families. We pulled the handcarts, all the while thinking of our ancestors who had done this for months, sometimes in scorching heat and freezing snow. After a while, we had arrived at a small body of water and had a devotional about the inspiring ancestors of some of the people in our stake. We rested in the shade while listening to these talks, growing more and more grateful to our ancestors, who had left everything behind, walked hundreds of miles and endured so much that we, their descendants, could live with the gospel in our lives. After the devotional, I assumed that the leaders would have us go around the body of water that lay in front of us, but to my surprise, they told us that we were to walk through it with our handcarts! As my family was preparing our handcart to cross, I began to fear that I would have to walk through the river myself. The leaders told us that everyone had to get across somehow and some people carried each other. For an what seemed like an eternity, I sat there on the side of the water wondering how the heck I was going to get over to the other side. I was worried that I would be the last one on the side of the river. I closed my eyes and said a little prayer that I would be able to cross the river. Then, one of the kids from my ward and seminary class came over to me and asked if he could carry me over. My eyes got a little misty and once again, I was filled with relief. I was so grateful. After the crossing, while everyone was waiting for all of the carts to reach the other side safely, my legs began to get tired of standing. My knees started shaking a bit and I thought I was going to fall. I’d said a quick prayer that I would be okay. I had told one of my friends that I needed to rest a bit, but that there was nowhere to sit. Without hesitation, she helped me find someone who had a blanket to sit on and sat with me until it was time to move on. I was grateful to have a break and someone to sit with. When everyone was ready to keep trekking, I still felt exhausted. My feet were hurting and my legs were still shaking. I was lifted by the Ma and Pa of my family into our cart, grateful to have some rest. After that, each time I got tired, I would again be lifted into the cart. My fears of getting behind had vanished and I knew there was always someone there to lift me up. We arrived at our final trek destination and the boys and girls were separated. Everyone was allowed to pick a pioneer activity we could choose from calligraphy, frame knitting and making butter. I was still tired, so I sat with some of my friends and talked. Later, we had dinner and someone was there to help me carry my food and help me get something to drink. Over dinner, I was talking to some friends about anything and everything, I sat there thinking about how blessed I was to have friends that are ready and willing to help me with whatever my needs may be. After dinner, we went out to a field and had a hoedown. My legs were much too tired for dancing, so a couple friends and I sat on a blanket and talked. Even though these people didn't have to sit with me, they did. After a little while, my feet started cramping and it began to travel up my legs. I knew there was nothing I could really do about it but wait. My friend was kind enough to give me some socks her hand warmers to put on my feet. When my other friend came back with a leader, he gave me some pain medicine and I was once more reminded of how grateful I am for the people that my Father in Heaven has put into my life to help me.
This weekend was a long and tiresome one, but it was also one that I would not trade for the world. It helped me realize that our Father in Heaven puts certain people into our lives for a reason. He knows exactly what we need and who can help us in times of trial. I testify that God truly knows our fears and struggles and that when He gives us trials, he also prepares a way for us to overcome them. In my life, one of the more important lessons I learned was that we have the power to control the way we think. We choose what we think about. The mind is a very intricate contraption, you see there is one part that we can control fully. The part that we actively control is the conscious mind that controls about ten percent of what we think. But then there's the other part--the subconscious part, which is what controls: long term memory, emotions & feelings, habits, relationships, addictions, involuntary bodily functions, creativity, developmental stages, spiritual connection and intuition. That's the part I struggle most with; my subconscious. The reason that I struggle with this is because my subconscious is very negative. It's like a booming voice in the back of my mind telling me that everything I do is wrong or not good enough. But it is almost always wrong. So why, you may ask am I telling you this? Because I know that I am not the only one who struggles with this. It isn’t a particularly rare thought process. But it can be hard to learn to deal with. Our minds are always prone to wander, it’s in our human nature. We see and hear things that activate the gears in our brain. Sometimes that is a good thing, we’ll experience things that get our minds going. Anything from smelling freshly baked cookies and maybe think about our moms and home to hearing an old song and thinking of a positive experience associated with it. But every once in awhile, our minds get to thinking about the not so pleasant things. We begin to think about our worries and fears. That’s the part that really gets me. Most of the time, my subconscious gets me thinking negatively. I don’t do it on purpose nor do I want those thoughts floating around in my mind, but it often takes a lot to move from those negative thoughts to positive ones. These times when I am thinking negatively, I have to remove myself from wherever I am and take some deep breaths. Breathing has been the cure for so many things in my life. It always helps to go outside, especially when it’s cold. Somehow, when you need to take a moment to breathe, it helps if the air is frigid and crisp. Walking helps too. When I feel these emotions, it really helps just to take a walk and focus on your steps. I like to count my steps and breathe with the timing of my pace. In the end, I think that one of the most cherished things I’ve learned is that when all else fails, think positively. I promise if you learn how to do this, your life will be a little bit easier. You will be able to bring peace to your mind. One thing I was taught when I was younger is that what consumes our minds consumes our lives. If we can fill our minds with positivity, our lives will be filled with peace and joy. In the times when we cannot find peace on our own, remember that Christ is the keeper of peace. If we only ask him for a little, He will pour it down on us. I'm an advent believer in the importance of progress. A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about failure. I spoke about how failure can discourage us and weigh us down a lot. This past week, I have felt a lot of frustration with myself for not being able to do a particular thing and it has really been pressing on my mind. Lately I've been left wondering if anyone else had trouble with measuring their progress. I certainly have.
Ever since this past Christmas, I have been suffering from anxiety and feelings of self-doubt. Due to this, I have been having panic attacks. At first, I didn’t know what to do about it, so I didn’t do anything. I would have a panic attack and then it would go away in a matter of minutes and I would be fine for the rest of the day. I had told my parents about it, but they always just told me that I had nothing to be afraid of and would proceed to brush it under the rug. So, for the next few days when I felt this way, I would do the same thing. I would act as though nothing was wrong. When I felt my anxiety, I did my best to ignore it. This, however proved to be an insufficient way to confront my issues. You see, I have found this whole suppression approach to be a huge mistake. I have been doing a bit of experimenting with my newfound struggle. A couple times when I have felt as though I am going to have a panic attack, I tried my best to suppress it. Other times, I have let the attack run it’s course and wait it out. To me, the results were a little shocking; when I do my best to suppress my anxiety, it only gets worse. Everything builds up. But when I allow the panic to run it’s course, it goes away sooner. A couple days ago I had been suppressing my anxiety all day. I thought I had finally figured out how to control my anxiety. I had been really excited that I had been able to not give in to the panic. I was sitting in my last class and thought about how whatever we were learning about was a little boring, when I felt dizzy and shaky all of the sudden. I knew it was my anxiety. So I did what I had been doing all day; I ignored it the best that I could. I felt so on top of it. I was proud of myself. I dared to even think that this was it. In my mind, I had declared myself anxiety free. But as I sat there in my english class, I felt my anxiety go from under control to out of my control. It began with my hands. It always begins with my hands; a shake I can’t control. I then told a friend what was going on and asked him to come outside with me, thinking I just needed a little fresh air. So we went outside and I took some deep breaths and counted in my mind. I did everything I could think of in that moment to calm myself down. But that didn’t seem to be working. Then, all at once my legs turned to jello and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. I fainted. Right there outside my classroom. I was so shocked that I had completely forgotten about my friend who had come outside with me. The poor guy had probably had no idea what was wrong with me. I was so embarrassed. After that, everything was a blur; my poor friend helped me up, the teacher called a supervisor, who took me up to the nurse, who somehow was able to calm me down. The nurse asked me if I wanted to call my parents; I didn't. I knew they would tell me to suck it up, as they always do. When I was calmed down again, I was escorted back to class. My face burned as I walked in. I took a seat as far away from my friend as I could. I waited until the next day to apologize. He told me that I didn’t need to apologize, but I knew I did. You see, progress isn’t something we can measure. That day, I thought I was completely fine until I wasn’t… But the truth was I did progress, it was just that I was not moving in the right direction. Direction is key, but I think the most important part is that we understand that everyone progresses in their own time. I can’t force myself to be rid of my anxiety in one day, but what I can do is learn ways to control parts of my anxiety. Why don’t we do this together? This week, I challenge you to focus on one thing that you want to progress towards and make it your goal for the week. It doesn’t have to be anything big. But nonetheless, make a goal to progress toward. Because I know when I have a goal, I’m more productive. Empowered. |
My name is Ellie. I am a sophomore at BYU Idaho. I am excited to live life and to share a small piece of it with you!
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