A couple weeks ago, I was jammin’ in the car with Sophie at a stoplight. One thing you need to know about Sophie in order to catch what I’m throwing at you is that Soph likes to jam in the car with the volume way up. Whenever Soph is driving, there is a lot of dancing in the car (car dancing is my favorite sport ;). And it can look wierd to other people when the windows are up and they can’t hear the music. People might think we are crazy (and we kinda are), but because they can’t hear like we can, it is confusing to them.
I have a bunch of friends that don’t know much about what I believe, so when I do things and make decisions based on my faith in the gospel, they don’t understand. There was a kid in one of my classes last year that knew I was a member of the church and he would always ask me questions about my faith and the church and he was always really respectful about it. When he learned about how we went to church for three hours instead of one on Sundays and that we fasted and gave tithes once a month, he was confused as to why people were willing to do such things. I did my best to explain that we do these things because we want it to become closer to our Savior and our Heavenly Father. He proceeded to ask what we got out of it, so I explained to him that we make these small sacrifices because in return, we get blessings from Heavenly Father. After talking to him for a couple more minutes, I could see that he wasn’t exactly getting it. So I explained that I have received so many blessings for going to church and paying tithing. He asked me if I thought that the blessings I received were worth the things I did for God. I responded that they were and told him that the blessings well outweighed the sacrifices I make. Just as people don’t understand why we dance when they can’t hear our music, they don’t understand why we keep the commandments and make sacrifices for our faith because they haven’t felt the spirit and recieved the blessings that we have. But the best part about it is that we can help teach them and we will be able to help them come to be familiar with feeling the spirit. In the beginning, the dance may be a little awkward, but as we become familiar with the teachings of the gospel, it will become second nature. Last year in seminary, we had a girl start coming that wasn’t yet a member of the church. You could tell that in the beginning she was a little uncomfortable, but as she learned to recognize the spirit, she grew to know the spirit so well. I can tell you that some of the coolest experiences have happened when I am around people who are learning about the gospel. A couple years ago I got to watch one of my friends start coming to church. It was really cool to watch as she learned more about the gospel. I’ll never forget when I got to be in the room when she said her very first prayer. You could tell it was a little awkward for her to be talking to Heavenly Father for the first time in front of a bunch of people. But He doesn’t care if it’s awkward, Heavenly Father is always happy when you choose to talk to him. I felt so blessed to be there and get to see this person change and grow so much. I’m so grateful for all of the opportunities I’ve had to share testimony with people. I know that the more you share your testimony, not only does it help other people’s grow, it helps yours grow too. If you listen to the spirit, you will know what to say to others. Remember they may feel awkward at first, but eventually it will become second nature. You just have to go for it!
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Over the past week or so, I have been reflecting on a lot of different things. I’m graduating this Thursday and I still can’t believe it. I feel like graduation has always been something that was so far away. It is just so weird to know that I’m not going to be in high school anymore. And though I know that the time has come to move on to bigger and better things, I am going to miss it a little. I can never really say that I loved high school, but I’ve made some great memories and even greater relationships.
In the end, I think high school was not as big of a that I thought it would be when I was in eighth grade. I thought high school was going to change me somehow. But it wasn’t high school that changed me. I did change a ton (thank goodness), but I don’t think that was because of the actual school part of high school. I think it was the experiences I had and the people I met while I was in high school. I graduated seminary a week ago. I feel like I was sitting in my freshman seminary class just yesterday. I can’t tell you just how much I loved seminary. Those 5:30 alarms will not be missed but I will definitely miss getting to study the scriptures with my homies every morning. I am so grateful for all my seminary teachers that made me fall in love with studying my scriptures. There is nothing better than starting the day off reading the scriptures. Seminary has helped me grow my testimony and has taught me that the atonement is the most amazing gift anyone could ever receive. One really important thing I’ve come to know through the past four years is that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I am beyond grateful for that knowledge. Especially since I am about to go off to college in the fall. I feel like there are these amazing moments in life when you realize why you have a specific trial, whether it was yesterday or a year ago. Whenever I have obstacles in my way, I look back on the harder things I’ve done in the past and those obstacles don’t seem as intimidating anymore. I know now that sometimes Heavenly Father works through other people and I am so grateful for all those people who have helped me get to where I am today. I am so humbled by all the people who have supported me these past couple years. I would not have made it this far without them. Everyone from the fam bam to friends to teachers, I can not express how thankful I am. I have the most amazing friends who are always willing to help me when I need it. When I was in middle school, I had a lot of acquaintances, but I didn’t know what it was like to have real friends. High school has taught me that anyone can be a friend and to never count someone out until you really know them. I learned to see people as Heavenly Father would and to love those even when it may not be easy. I learned that when you’re happy and positive, you’ll find friends that are positive too. I will never forget the relationships I’ve made over the past four years. I am going to miss hanging out with my homies at lunch. I’m going to miss knowing so many people that I have to stop a million times in the halls to catch up with my homies. I feel like it is going to be so weird at BYUI because there are going to be 45,000 students to SCHS’ measly 3,000. But that’s okay because it will give me an opportunity to meet so many more people. While it may be a little intimidating to not know many people at my school next year, I think it will be fun to start fresh. I have the whole summer to get ready to go up to school, so I am not really worried at the moment. I think another reason why I’m not super worried right now is because Heavenly Father has taught me that if I listen to the spirit and trust in him, everything will be just fine. I think it was key for me to learn that through my past experiences in order for me to be confident that with my Heavenly Father’s help, there is nothing that will ever be too much for me to handle. I know that going up to school this September is going to be a challenge, but I also know that this is what Heavenly Father wants me to do, He is going to be with me and guide me every step of the way if I let Him. If there’s anything I know for absolute certain, it is that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and that He is going to prepare a way for me to accomplish those things he has planned for me. One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Nephi 3:7 because it helps remind me that Heavenly Father will never give us more than we can handle. Boy, it’s crazy what can change in a year! I can honestly say that this school year has been exponentially better than last year. I was reading some of my journal entries from last year around this time and I’ve realized how crazy and stressful my life was. Not that there was anything too crazy going on, but I just worried so much about the littlest things. As I read through those journals, I began to think about how much better my life would have been if my circumstances and the way I made decisions were different. It’s like when you look at pictures from when you were a kid and you cringe a little because your clothes never matched and your hair was always a mess(an ongoing struggle for me).
But at the same time I feel like it’s those times where you wish you could have changed your circumstances, that you really learn to grow. One scripture that I’ve grown to love is 1 Corinthians 7:20-24. It says, “Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God” I know it is a little long, but it has become one of my favorites over the past year or so. It helps me remember that Heavenly Father only lets us give us trials that He knows we can learn and grow from and that He wants us to make the most of our lives despite our trials. Whenever I read this scripture, the phrase, “bloom where you’re planted” always comes to mind. As a little kid, my favorite flower were the yellow dandelions that seemed to pop up everywhere and anywhere. My mom would always laugh and tell me that they were just weeds. But I didn’t just like them because I thought they were pretty, no I liked them because they seemed to spring up everywhere. No matter where, they would even grow from the cracks in the sidewalk. I think that scripture is kind of saying the same thing applies to us. It’s like Heavenly Father puts us in these crazy, sometimes a little rough situations because He wants us to learn and grow because of it. I used to think that Heavenly Father would put us in tough situations because we weren’t doing the right thing. That is never the case. Of course there are consequences when we sin, but Heavenly Father doesn’t give us more trials because we sin. When I was little, I was taught by my parents and primary teachers that we can pray whenever we want to and that Heavenly Father will listen. I am so grateful for those who have helped me make prayer such a huge part of my life. I know it can be hard to focus on the gospel amidst trials, but I also know that it is the best way to get answers from Heavenly Father. I don’t think I fully understood the power prayer can have until about two years ago. There was a girl from my school that started coming to church with one of the girls in my ward. I can still remember so clearly how strongly I felt the spirit when she was being taught how to pray. At first I was shocked because I realized that this girl didn’t know how to pray up until that point. It was a really spiritual experience and it taught me to be grateful for the ability to be able to talk to my Heavenly Father whenever I need to. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and that we are given trials that He knows we can learn from. I also know that sometimes it can be hard to stay close to Heavenly Father when you’re busy worrying about everything that may seem to be going wrong in your life right now. I urge you to pray about anything even if you think it is not that big of a deal. Remember if something seems like a big deal to you, Heavenly Father cares about everything that you care about. Over the past month or so, I have been becoming increasingly anxious about moving up to school and living over nine hundred miles away from home. Not to the point where I have panic attacks, but every once an a while I'll start thinking about it and wonder how the heck I am supposed to do it. The school year is almost over and preparations are being made for the coming year. At first I was super excited to live on my own and be independant, but as I actually started thinking about all of the things that I am going to have to take care of for myself, I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified.
I was talking to someone the other day about going to school and after talking about it for a little while and she stopped me and asked me, “What if you can’t?”. At first, I was a little confused -- what if I can’t what? Up until this point, I had figured that everyone was wondering how I was going to pull off living on my own. And at the moment, I don’t even know how I am going to be able to not rely on anyone. But I have prayed about it a ton and I know that my future is in the hands of my Heavenly Father. For as long as I can remember, everyone has encouraged me to become more independant. Literally everyone from teachers, to physical therapists, to my family. Personally I think I have come a long way and that being independent is great. But I think people often confuse independance with not relying on Heavenly Father’s guidance. When you want to become more independent, I think, at least for me, I have to become closer and more trusting in my Heavenly Father. When the time came for applying for college, I was hesitant to apply to anywhere. I had always assumed that I would go to the community college in the area and live with the fam bam. But then one day my sister suggested to apply to the CES schools and see if I get in. She said that I didn’t even have to decide right then and there if I was going to really go, but to apply anyways so I could keep my options open. So I started my application process. I began filling out my information and writing my essays. There was a pretty long time for me to work on my application process, but I got started on it right away. After writing a couple of the essays, I stopped working on them because I got a little discouraged about being able to get in and even if I did get in, it was overwhelming to think about actually going to school there. As time went on, the application deadline got closer and I had abandoned the idea of going to any of the church schools. About a month later, I remember coming home from school one day and seeing one of the CES endorsement forms on the end of my bookshelf. I immediately started to question if I really wanted to go to a community college. I remember feeling like if I didn’t finish the application, I would be missing out on the opportunities that I wouldn’t be able to have anywhere else. So, I finished my application, telling myself that I would apply and see how it goes from there. I remember on the day I finished it, I felt this unmistakable feeling of peace. I wasn’t sure where it came from at the time, but now I know that it was Heavenly Father reassuring me that if I did get in, He would help me know what to do. One Thursday morning, before seminary, I woke up and saw a notification e-mail from the CES admissions office. I was so scared to open it. But when I opened it and read the email saying that I had gotten in to BYUI, I screamed and cried a little (happy tears). Because for the majority of high school, I had been geared by teachers to shoot only for community college. Not that those teachers didn’t want me to go to a four-year, but because most of the kids with disabilities at my school usually don’t even apply to four year colleges. I had been told over and over that I could just go to community college because that’s what everyone had been expecting me to do. I think everyone thought it was a little odd that I was so excited. But to me it was a big deal because I had always just assumed that I would go to a community college. I am super excited to start this new chapter and I know that this is right for me. I want to remind you that you don’t have to know exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life at this second. You have a whole lifetime to think about that. What you do need to know as soon as possible is that Heavenly Father loves you and has a plan for you and that He is going to guide you. As long as you look to Him for guidance, everything will work out. Even if you don’t know exactly how right now. First of all, I can’t believe it has been a whole year! When I first started The Life in Progress, I figured that it would maybe last for a couple weeks and then I’d get bored of it. But now that it has been a whole year, I can’t imagine what I would do without it. I love everything about blogging. I love writing my posts. I love making headers and putting in quotes. I love sharing my testimony. There is nothing I don’t like about blogging.
I have always wanted a way to share my faith with people, but never felt really comfortable with talking to people about it. I mean I would talk to people about my faith sometimes, but I had trouble putting how I felt into words. Being able to sit myself down and really think about what I believe has not only helped me to share the gospel, but has helped me build my own testimony. You see, when I take a minute to think of what I believe, it becomes really clear what I know that I believe. All of these things that I testify of on this blog, are things that I have had invaluable experiences with. I know I am always up for a little advice, so I figured that maybe other people feel the same way. I’m not saying that my views and advice is for everyone, but even if it helps one person in some way, I’m happy. So much has changed since I wrote my very first blog post, never in a million years would I have guessed that I would experience all that I have. If you were to tell 16-year-old me that I was going to experience all the things I have this year, I probably would have said no way, José! I probably would have thought there was no possible way I could do a huge amount of what I have done this year. I have never been good at keeping a journal, so it has been really cool to be able to go back into my archives and see how much I’ve grown in the last year. I think the first three months of having my blog were probably some of the hardest, but looking back on my posts from those months, they remind me that I can do hard things and that there is nothing Heavenly Father will give me that I can’t handle. If I hadn’t ever started a blog, I probably wouldn’t even think about how much better my life has been since then. Having had this blog for a year has taught me not to be ashamed of certain things that I am not necessarily proud of. One of the biggest things that have fallen under this category is my CP. I don’t really talk about my disability with anyone but my mom and even then, I kind of beat around the bush. But on my blog, I can just write about it and it has been so cool to have had people ask me questions about it. I used to be so embarrassed about it that I would get super uncomfortable when people ever asked about it. But now, I think it’s really cool when people want to know more about my CP. I actually had one person tell me that because of one of my posts, they befriended someone with CP and it was super cool to hear about. It has no doubt been a long year filled with lots of different experiences. I still can’t believe it’s already been a year! Don’t worry, I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. In fact, I don’t plan on ever stopping. The other day, one of my readers emailed me and asked about starting her own blog. If you are ever thinking about starting a blog, do it for sure! Just know it takes a bit of work, but it is so worth it. I’m so grateful for the people that read my blog, you guys are awesome! |
My name is Ellie. I am a sophomore at BYU Idaho. I am excited to live life and to share a small piece of it with you!
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